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10 June 2009 @ 03:46 am
the GazettE; 疼く痣と歪む裏 - Reita x Aoi  
Title: 疼く痣と歪む裏 [Painful Bruises and a Distorted Interior]
Chapters: ONESHOT.
Author: Reila [toychest_murder]
Genre: Angst.
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Implied Tora x Reita, one-sided Reita x Aoi.
Band(s): the GazettE, alice nine.
Disclaimer: Kai helped me kidnap everyone, and forced them to act this out with his Leader-sama abilities.
Synopsis: All the things that you never, ever told me, and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me... If they were to face the end of the world, they'd do it with their hands entwined, walking on to the desolate future, leaving him to face it alone.
Comments: This is inspired by my own personal events in life, as well as The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance. I have a personal connection with Aoi, haha~

Another day, and more pain.

That's how it always was, isn't it? Day after day, he'd see them standing hand-in-hand, so utterly and completely in love, and it'd tear him apart. The little looks they shared, the sweet nothings whispered back and forth, and the affectionate kisses they pressed to the other's lips...why couldn't he have something like that? Better yet, why couldn't he have something like that with him? It was impossible, he knew...with the way they were so wrapped up in each other, he knew nothing could break them apart. If they were to face the end of the world, they'd do it with their hands entwined, walking on to the desolate future, leaving him to face it alone. Maybe if he just pretended he was fine, he'd finally be able to truthfully say, "I'm happy for you two" and not hurt any longer. If that was the case, then why did it feel like his chest was being ripped open every day? Why did it feel like his heart was being stabbed with an icy dagger, only to be plunged deeper with every touch and caress that was openly exchaged between the two lovers? Most of all...why did he have to fall in love with his best friend...?

It comes with the territory. Aoi had heard that damn saying way too many times, often reflecting on it while a bitter taste settled itself within his mouth, the same one he got whenever he watched the happy couple kiss, or hug. He silently suffered day after day, watching as Reita hurried out of the room to meet up with Tora so they could meet up with one another, spending their lunch breaks with each other while they became lost within their own world, leaving everyone else behind; Aoi would never admit how much pain shot through his body like an electrical current, starting at his chest, plucking his heart strings painfully, before ending in a whirlwind of emotions that made him want to scream and break down. He always kept his composure, despite the torture he was contantly put through. He wasn't going to be the reason for breaking up his and Tora's relationship, or for the band falling apart, but as the days dragged on, he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to hold on...maybe it was better to let go?

No...he couldn't do that. He couldn't show what he was feeling, especially if it would jepordize the future of the band. Aoi wasn't selfish, and Reita was happy...what good would it do if he just spilled everything, letting it out in a mess of stutters and huffs? He'd end up panicking, leaving a confused Reita behind, only for their friendship to end, because it was all just...too awkward. If he couldn't have him as a lover, he sure as Hell wouldn't let him go as his friend. Out of everyone in the band, he had grown closest to Reita, often seeking refuge with him when something in his life wasn't going right, or else joking with him when he felt his best. What they say was true...through the laughs, the inside jokes, and stupid little arguments, he had fallen in love with the bassist.

Despite that fact, he kept it to himself, his little secret locked away right next to the heart that had been preserved for one person...His band mates had always suspected of him being bisexual, an accusation he never denied nor confirmed, but not once had they ever thought that he had developed such strong feelings for one of their own. Whenever Reita joked around with him, slipping an arm around his shoulders while he tried to coax Aoi in admitting that he liked guys, he always flushed with embarrassment as he looked away, grateful that Reita and everyone around them thought it was because of his sexuality being picked at for the umpteenth time. They never suspected that his heart always managed to flutter and skip a beat when he was near the bassist, nor did they realize that he had always longed to give in to temptation and kiss Reita, to scream his love to the world...No, they never paid close enough attention to catch that longing within his eyes, the disappointment upon his smooth features whenever Reita pulled away from him, watching as he went on to take care of whatever task that had been given to him for the day. Aoi didn't think they'd ever catch on...

He wasn't sure if he ever wanted them to figure out what he was feeling, nor did he want to know the consequences of falling for not only his best friend, but his band mate...Over time, he had grown distant with them all, slowly pulling himself away from Reita, but his plans on closing his heart off, of taking it back from the bassist, came to a sudden stop the moment he saw his distressed band mate walk into practice one day, watching as he fumbled around and barely made it through the morning before Kai called for a break. Aoi felt his heart break when he saw how much pain Reita held in his eyes when he thought no one was looking, finally decided to approach the bassist, offering a shoulder to lean on.

He and Tora had gone through their first fight, the magnitude of their dispute weighing heavily upon the blonde. What it had consisted of, Aoi didn't dare ask, but he consoled his friend, offering him a smile, despite how broken it truly was, and gave him the encouragement he needed. Tora truly loves you, Reita, he remembered telling him, managing to keep his smile despite how much it hurt him. He won't let this affect the relationship he has with you. Reita seemed to take his words to heart, because for the rest of the day, he was more cheerful than he had been when it started, obliviously leaving a broken guitarist to suffer on his own. Ever since that day, Aoi hadn't been the same; he had seen Tora and Reita right in front of his eyes, only a couple of feet away as they whispered their "I love you" to one another, and sealed their words of endearment with a kiss. No, Aoi certainly changed after that, and he didn't think he'd ever be the same again.

"What's wrong with you?"

The day had come when someone finally realized that Aoi had changed; Reita's eyes had been full of concern as he approached the guitarist, who took refuge in the back room away from the photoshoot; he needed an escape from Kai's and Ruki's constant picking as they went through the photos, leaving Uruha and Reita to converse among themselves as he decided to smoke a cigarette.

"What do you mean?"

"You've changed..."

Aoi's eyes turned to place themselves upon Reita once again, his features emotionless. What he said was true; three years ago, Aoi was full of life, running around stadium halls before and after shows, joking around with all of the other members within GazettE, as well as staff, and now...he wasn't even a fourth of what he used to be. He had lost the energy that he had blamed on age, but the truth of the matter was that his heart had endured too much to even attempt to give him that youthful spirit he once possessed. Instead, he gave in to life's harsh realities, leaving him as a shell that was merely existing. Whether his band mates had caught on over the past three years or not, he wasn't entirely sure, and he sometimes wondered if he cared anymore.

"Aoi..." Reita's voice rang in his ears like a painful lullaby, causing the painful tug on his heart to make him spring back to life. The raven haired man smiled as he stood up and turned to the bassist, some of his playful demeanor returning as he shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, Reita; stop worrying to much, yeah?"

The look upon the blonde's features said it all; he stared at him as the sudden change of attitude took place, leaving him skeptical, but his knowledge of the guitarist kept him from prying. Aoi's pride was too strong to break through; if he wanted to keep something from him and the rest of the band, it was pointless to try and get it out of him. Aoi had to be one of the most stubborn man he had ever met, but despite his short-temper and his overwhelming guard he had around himself, he knew he'd never change him.

"Okay, then..."

Aoi watched as Reita moved to the window he had been gazing at just moments before the blonde had appeared in the doorway, the familiar sting of tears threatening to form within his eyes as the lump of emotion swelled within his throat. The way the light caught Reita's strong features left Aoi mesmerized, his onyx pools taking in every little detail before that swooping pain over took his body. Without thinking, he turned to face Reita, unable to look away as the bassist lifted his cigarette to his lips to take a deep inhale, his heart pounding against his chest. "Hey, Rei...?"


Swallowing the lump, Aoi cleared his throat in a feeble attempt to keep his voice from breaking, his feet carrying him closer to Reita and finally closing the distance between them. Before he could stop himself, his arms slipped themselves around his waist as his head hid away against the back of the bassist's shoulder, making him look up in alarm.

"Aoi, what--"

"I...I'm glad you're happy," he managed to say weakly, though with the way his voice was muffled, he merely sounded tired. For a moment, he felt his heart disappear when Reita placed a hand upon his own; it returned, however, when he felt the pat to it, his heart sinking at the friendly gesture. Without letting another moment pass, his arms untangled themselves from his body, allowing his hands to rest upon Reita's waist while he whispered his final words. "Thank you for being my best friend..."

With his manager calling him for his individual shoot, Aoi pulled himself away from Reita, leaving him to finish his cigarette. He couldn't tell him how he felt; he couldn't risk the friendship he cherished the most, and he chouldn't break him and Tora apart for his own selfish desire. Aoi was willing to suffer in silence if it meant that Reita was happy with his life...They say time heals all wound, but Aoi...he was the only exception.

Yes, today was like any other day; the only difference...the pain hurt much more than what it did yesterday, and less than what it will tomorrow.

Fanfiction Archive.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: My Chemical Romance; 「The Ghost of You」
Liz: aoiboobookeys on June 10th, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, this was really heartbreaking.
But I must say I absolutely loved the last line. (:
Great work !
★r e i l a: [れいた] Devils and demons aliketoychest_murder on June 10th, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoyed it! ^o^ I struggled with the last line, so I'm happy to know it worked out!

Thank you for reading~
mini_pawsmini_paws on June 10th, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
That was beautiful.
Im at a time in my life when Im feeling things on a whole nother level
and this fic made me cry...but a good cry not a bad cry
I dunno if that makes any sense
and it doesnt help that I wqas listening to Des'ree- Kissing you
soo yeah
Thank you very much the fic was lovely
and the pain.....comes from familiarity

★r e i l a: [戒] The courage to changetoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
Re: whoa
Yeah, I'm kind of in the position myself; I'm happy that you enjoyed it. I nearly cried writing this. ;o;
mini_pawsmini_paws on August 7th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC)
Re: whoa
awwwww dont crwwwyyyyyyy
we have all been there before
well at least
i know i have
ta ta
(づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ: elephantjyusou on June 10th, 2009 04:08 pm (UTC)
Mmmm *sighs quietly* this gave off a really nice mood, and Aoi's characterisation in here is one that I could sincerely imagine. I also very much like the fact that his hurt was able to be expressed in a way that wasn't overly dramatic. And some of the lines you had in there were quite wonderful indeed x).

Ahhh so painful, but so wonderful all the same. Great job on this! It was really refreshing ^-^. And My Chemical Romance is AWESOME ;DDD!
★r e i l a: [OHSHC] Glomp Attack!toychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 05:18 am (UTC)
I'm glad it wasn't too overwhelming. D: I didn't want Aoi to break down and scream, 'cause I can't imagine him doing that, so I made him keep it inside.

Thank you for reading, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! I'm a fan of your writing. ;o; ♥
lttlbrightlightlttlbrightlight on June 10th, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
That was so full of emotion that I couldn't help but feel bad for Aoi. It is such a well written piece that I must now harrass your archive to find more :)
★r e i l a: [れいた] Love Letterstoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:42 am (UTC)
I'm happy my fanfic had such positive responses! I try my hardest with writing these, so I'm glad that it was well-received.

Harass away!
kouyou_x3: uru ilukouyou_x3 on June 10th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
omg that was so oooh nooo sad T___T
my poor aoi Q______Q
that's what you get for falling in love with Reita >>

it was beautifully written <3
I loved it >___
★r e i l a: [れいた] His name...Reita-da~toychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:37 am (UTC)
Poor Aoi! *Pets him.* Maybe things will work out for him in the end? :D

Thank you for reading!
shinjimimura03 (Li): ryuhei bwshinjimimura03 on June 10th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
oh my goodness!
thats really stung inside..with pain.
that was so sad.

i loved it. xx
★r e i l a: [マヤ] Losin' my faithtoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:34 am (UTC)
I'm glad you loved it! Thank you for reading~
kawasakininjakawasakininja on June 10th, 2009 09:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, heartbreaking. At first I had a little trouble feeling it, maybe because of the ReitaxTora pairing seemed to me like coming out of nowhere, but with dwelling deeper in Aoi's thoughts and emotions I could feel for him. Really devastating. I liked this as explanation of Aoi falling in love: Out of everyone in the band, he had grown closest to Reita, often seeking refuge with him when something in his life wasn't going right, or else joking with him when he felt his best. What they say was true...through the laughs, the inside jokes, and stupid little arguments, he had fallen in love with the bassist.
★r e i l a: [ガゼット] Reilatoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
xD Tora/Reita isn't really a common pairing, and I know it's going to be hard when I write a chaptered sequal. I'm glad you like it, though!
Beff bEFFbethycool on June 10th, 2009 11:55 pm (UTC)

Reitaaaaaaaaaaa...stupid Reita...can't see poor Aoi loves him :'(
★r e i l a: [れいた] Blow me awaytoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
Beff bEFFbethycool on June 11th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
let's hope so
i love that pairing, with either of them as seme...you write it so beautifully
(Deleted comment)
★r e i l a: [葵] My kind of beautifultoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
★r e i l a: [葵] No one in the world is listening...toychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 09:22 am (UTC)
My love. ♥

And...to truthfully answer your question; yes, I was...when we talked, I wasn't feeling that way anymore.
sekiryusekiryu on June 11th, 2009 05:42 am (UTC)
I...am at a loss for words...
This is like deja vu...
Yes, that last line really says it...
ai~ old wounds bleed if you pick at it...*sigh*
sorry, too heartfelt...it hurts...my heart is crying.
★r e i l a: [戒] I know my hearttoychest_murder on June 11th, 2009 09:29 am (UTC)
Don't apologize! I know how it is to go through something like that; it hurts a lot, tugging at your heart strings...

It just makes me happy to know that people can relate to my stories.
purity_of_soulpurity_of_soul on June 11th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
this is so beautifully written!
I can totally get myself connected with Aoi emotions. IT hurts.. O__Q
there there Aoi~<3 it's alright~

you just gave me a whole lot of new ideas to continue my goddamn fic! I was having a writer's block. D=
Sankyuu sankyuu!! ILU!!
kanaaaaaaaa~k435y on June 22nd, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
Been there; done that...way too many times. XD Love's such a butt sometimes. LOL. Poor Aoi. But I'm glad that their friendship is really strong. Thank you for sharing. =)
bananaxcupcakebananaxcupcake on October 28th, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC)
I. Loved. This. T^T
Damn~ you made me cry xD
I was telling myself; Don't cry,, Don't cry..
*miserable FAIL*

i think you did a great job =D
scott_skydwellerscottskydweller on July 2nd, 2011 03:26 pm (UTC)
aww... this is just sooooo sad!!!
but then again, the way you have triggered feelings in your characters is just amazing...
great piece of writing! *two thumbs up!*